Much-needed update

Wow. It's been a year since I last posted a blog.
It's time to update everyone on what's going on
in my hectic life.

I am still working at my aforementioned job (last
post) and loving it. I'm entering my junior year,
finally, and the panic is starting to set in. I realize
that I'm going to be out in the real world, alone,
very soon. I guess I better start planning.
I start my first ever summer class tomorrow morning.
Ah! I have a feeling that Honors Bio might kick me
in the face, but it seems like a lot of stuff I've learned
before.

I have changed a lot this year. I have been forced to grow
in ways I never thought i would, but it's good.
I've figured out what is truly important to me and what I
shouldn't stress about. I'm learning how to remember that
each day brings new opportunities and challenges. I'm
finding out what I truly want to do with my life, where I
want to end up, and that I may never reach those goals
because life often throws us around without our permission.
I now understand the importance of a few carefree days
now and then, and the healing power of friend-nights.

My best friends have been there through all the insane
events of this year. Chanel is back in Muncie (yay!); Erin
is being shipped to New York for an internship; Corrina is
in London (lucky!!) for a theatre internship, too. Mo is
still in Muntucky along with Hailey, Joyce (who travels
back and forth between Indy and here), along with all the
other friends in my life. I'm grateful that I have so many
amazing friends to lean on in times of heartache, growth,
and hardship. They also know how to party it up when
things are going well.

I hope this next school year teaches me new things about
myself, my friends, and my future. Guess I'll find out soon!
:D

Here's to a good summer, even better school year, and beautiful
future.

Maybe I'll Understand...

When/why life is so crazy one day.
Until then, I'll speculate. ....
allow me to explain:

Last night was my first night at my
new job (yay!). Had loads of fun
during the hectic moments, those
are the moments I live for in life,
but I came home and passed out
by 11:30...........and work up at 3:45
to venture to campus to stand in line
and see Barack Obama. :D
Insane, yes.
I'm tired as can be. My eyes won't stop
watering, yet I know somehow I'm not
going to regret seeing a potential
president speak. It's informative. It's my
right to be an informed voter. It's democracy!

50 Years from now I know I'll look back on
this blog and realize these little moments
of doing big things is what makes life worth
living.
I'm excited.

End.<3

All this time coming...

So, I finally called Pop today. It felt good to hear his
voice. I can't explain the rush of emotions that hit
me. It was like having a piece of you restored.
However this whole time I expected him to call me
and fix things. Grandma's the one who broke us
apart. He took her side. Why is it always this way
in life? But then it fell apart. As quickly as it came
together Grandma ruined it. She basically tore me
apart in ways that no one has...which is hard to do
because she has torn me apart once before and many
others have given me my fair share of scars. I don't
know where this is going to lead. All I know is that I
have to trust God to fix things. I can't deal with it. I'm
far too weak. I broke down during my short convo
with her so I know that I won't be able to work things
out when the worst of it hits. Oh well. Things always
work out in some way or other. Right?

Spring Break is officially over. No more relaxing and
wasting time. There are things to be finished, grades
to earn, and jobs to find. Here comes spring with all
its own issues. (Most of which I gladly welcome).
Guess we'll see where this season leads me, eh?

As the phrase goes, "Carry on, keep on dancing."
No matter what comes in my way I have to move through
life and pursue happiness and strive for excellence.
Strength is gained only when things are broken.

End.

LLL

Love's Labour's Lost opens this Thursday!
(aka Valentine's Day.)
I'm pretty stoked.
The set, costumes, lights, and everything
is gorgeous. Honestly, it took my breath
away the first time I saw it all. I want to
live in Fraggle Rock. :D

Note on life: I'm busy, as usual, but it's almost
all over now. Only a couple of weeks of shows,
a couple more rehearsals, and then I'm free
again. Life won't be the same. I need something
to keep me busy/productive.
I need theatre.
Mucho.

And it's snowing. It's pretty, but cold. I don't
dig the wind and cold but the snow is delightful
to look at. Maybe I'll get to play in it for a few
minutes tomorrow. :D

So, acting class is really pushing me out of my
comfort zone. I don't like that. It scares me to
be open and completely honest with a class of
16 or so. Especially with some strangers.
I don't mean to be cruel, but I just don't open
my heart up to the world. I've done it in the past
and it hurts. So, this "I Should Have Said" monologue
might be kinda hard. I changed the topic. I've let
loose of all my thoughts and I'm being completely
honest. No pretty mask, no tape to hold it together.
It is what it is, and that's it.

And ironically, as I'm writing the last portion of
the blog (see above) Rufus Wainwright, "Nobody's
Off the Hook" comes on the radio. Gosh. I guess
it's a sign from God that he can't run from his
choice, past, and loss.

Maybe that means I'm not either though. I should
probably call him and tell him what I think of him.
His lies, stupidity, and cowardliness. I can't believe
he claims that he doesn't remember my number.
Whatever. It's been the same for 20 years. It's not
that easy to forget numbers. I remember my friends'
numbers from middle school, friends that I haven't
talked to in years. Maybe I lied; this project might be
hard, but I should be looking forward to it. I need it.
A catharsis could be useful right now.

(P.S. Thanks Corrina for being strong and going today.
You are def one strong lady, no matter what you might
say/think, and you deserve diamonds and the stars.
When you find the guy that will give you those, you'll know
he's the one. Never forget that.)

Well, there's loads of things on my mind but not enough
time to divulge them here.

End.

Update.

Why not fill everyone in on life?
Life is going pretty well. I'm busy,
as usual, but I love what I'm doing.
I'm excited. There are so many
opportunities opening up and it's
amazing. :D

I hope things go well for the show.
So far the show is going well. It's
hilarious. :D People should come
and experience the wonderful
world of William (Shakespeare).
I'm excited! Only a few more weeks
until opening.

I've come to realize that life never
gives you a definite answer to anything.
You are left out on the outskirts of
what might be the answer but you just
have to leap and believe what you are
doing is right for you at that moment.
Life is all chance. It's insanity. It's
beautiful. I'm ready to jump in and
see where it takes me next.

I'm feeling so inspired right now that
I don't know what to do with myself.
I am not sure what has brought this
upon me. God. I want to go do something.

Quote of the moment:

"Fall in love or fall in hate.
Get inspired or be depressed.
Ace a test or flunk a class.
Make babies or make art.
Speak the truth or lie and cheat.
Dance on tables or sit in the corner.
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it.
Forgive yourself. Breathe.
And enjoy the ride..."
--Solbeam

This quote is amazing. Love it.
Apply it to your life in some way.
Or just think about it. You never
know where that thought might
lead you...

End.

Monologue...

While writing this, I used many different instances, some of
mine and some of my friends', for inspiration. I'm sure more
will come in time. Here it goes.

Nick, I'm scared. Don't you see that's why I've pushed you
away? It's not because you are gay. I'm petrified of this
world, people and even myself. For the past two years I've
kept quiet about everything, never showing how sad, scared,
and upset I was. Everyone I've loved has died or left me; I've
been left alone and I don't know how to care anymore. I'm
scared I will hurt you or someone else. I think I might ruin
your life and mine. I wonder what will happen if I ruin
everything we have. I hate myself for it. I've forgotten how
to go into the world and see it with open eyes. Everything's
black and evil to me. I don't see NYC as a city of uniqueness,
but a pit of lies, disease, and poverty. Everywhere I look I see
billboards with skinny, happy models that could never
understand what it's like watching two of your best friends
waste away from AIDS, a mother who chose drugs over you,
and an ex-lover-turned psycho. Everyone's dying around us.
That's the world I see when I look outiside. I no longer see it
with artist's eyes. That's why I'm terrified. I'm scared of what
I've become. Nick, I love you.

Tell me what you think if you would like..and be brutally honest.

Thanks!
End.
♥

Every time we touch...

So, I've had a pretty interesting break.
I've met new people (Bobby), done
things I told myself I'd never do (became
a gamer with Guitar Hero, sang Karaoke),
and decided to stay true to myself, not to
settle or hold back, and always stay
close to my friends and family. These are
the infamous New Year's resolutions that
I wanna stick with. :D

I'm really excited to see what this year has
in store for me. I have a feeling the play
is going to rock. :D (Opens Valentine's Day
so bring your date or love. :D) I hope this
year proves to be an amazing one. If you
are reading this, try to make it a great one.
If you have a great one, I will too. It's how
the world works? maybe?

Tomorrow marks the first day of rehearsals
after a glorious Christmas Break. Stay classy,
Muntucky. Stay classy. :D

♥
End.