Monologue...

While writing this, I used many different instances, some of
mine and some of my friends', for inspiration. I'm sure more
will come in time. Here it goes.

Nick, I'm scared. Don't you see that's why I've pushed you
away? It's not because you are gay. I'm petrified of this
world, people and even myself. For the past two years I've
kept quiet about everything, never showing how sad, scared,
and upset I was. Everyone I've loved has died or left me; I've
been left alone and I don't know how to care anymore. I'm
scared I will hurt you or someone else. I think I might ruin
your life and mine. I wonder what will happen if I ruin
everything we have. I hate myself for it. I've forgotten how
to go into the world and see it with open eyes. Everything's
black and evil to me. I don't see NYC as a city of uniqueness,
but a pit of lies, disease, and poverty. Everywhere I look I see
billboards with skinny, happy models that could never
understand what it's like watching two of your best friends
waste away from AIDS, a mother who chose drugs over you,
and an ex-lover-turned psycho. Everyone's dying around us.
That's the world I see when I look outiside. I no longer see it
with artist's eyes. That's why I'm terrified. I'm scared of what
I've become. Nick, I love you.

Tell me what you think if you would like..and be brutally honest.

Thanks!
End.
♥